while one heart breaks - asami, makorra

Summary: Asami realizes it's not her Mako loves. — one-sided Masami


It isn't fair, she thinks. It takes awhile before she can face the facts, the truth being smacked upon her face as she watches their practices day by day. She notices. She notices the stares he gives her, recognizes the flare in his golden amber eyes when the avatar swirls on her feet. She doesn't blame him, though. Korra's bending is something worth watching. It seemed like dancing, she thinks, except much more swift—much more precise, elegant, magical, even. It's something she would never be able to impress him with. She watches as Korra's brunette locks fly in the air as she spins between ribbons of water, and not only is her bending graceful—it—the girl herself, is absolutely stunning.

Asami watches as Mako's grip on his fists loosen as he stands up straight, still, his eyes following the young avatar girl. He's mesmerized, she notes, a sudden frown attempting to creep up on her delicate face, but no—she has to hide it, every time. She can't have anyone notice the flicker of envy that happens to strike her inner soul, when he told her that there was nothing going on between the two. She knows she has to be the good girlfriend, she feels useful this way, as if it's the only thing she's good for. She has to believe him—or at least, pretend.

But it's not true, and she knows it. Her heart knows it, it notices everything; from Bolin's earth shaking dash toward the ground to Mako's fast pacing fiery heart as he watches Korra. He looks after her, even when she isn't practicing. His eyes dart at her, Asami knows this, when she holds him; when she buries her head into his chest for accommodation. He grabs hold of her by the waist, accustomed to her usual actions to comfort the two of them, but she knows. He's not thinking of her; even when he rests his head on top of her wavy, raven hair. She knows he secretly wants to embrace another girl—not, maybe never her—even if she tries hard, very hard, to avoid that thought.

She's tried. Asami attempts to be the girl, the one he wants, the one he dreams about. They would sleep together at times. Those moments were breathless; happy, kind to her. She cherishes every moment she'll get to wake up with his restless body beside her, giving her warmth. It is only then when she's mistaken. Her heart breaks as she hears the fumbled words slipping out of his sleeping lips.

"Kor…ra."

The name sounds like ice to her. The smooth texture of it slides into her mind and corrupts all her thoughts, freezing them in place. Suddenly things crash, thoughts break all in one, and her heart feels cold. Her body feels hollow as she lies next to the snoozing firebender, unaware of how an unconscious peep from his mouth could suddenly break her motivation. She observes his sleeping face, his handsome features as she's forced to not move, thanks to the grip he has on her on the couch. She's also forced to think of the jealousy, it tingles up her spine, into her mind with remarks she dare not say, and stones begin to fill her stomach. How could she feel this way, she thinks. She has to be the obedient partner, the girl he says he loves every day. He whispers it to her all the time, and she tries to make herself believe it, but she resigns from doing so. How could she believe something he wasn't even sure of?

She realizes things—several little facts as time passes by.

(since she allows time to pass without a single word confessing her doubts)

She deals with it, she smiles. She thinks she's okay with it, with everything, with the unsure phrases and the indefinite lies. He's drowning in denial, and she doesn't have the gut to pull him out of the water—Korra's water, because she knows once she does, he's gone.

And she prays that no one else is willing to do so, to set back, pat Mako on the back, and say small, petty, oblivious statements—like a simple, "How's you and the avatar?"

She notices his pupils when she's talking to him. She'll be telling him pointless news about her father that she wants to share, wants him to be interested in. She wants to talk to him about these things, the light and easy conversations. That is all she wants, but it can't be helped. His black little pupils would roam, from her own emerald orbs to the body strolling through the pro bending arena door. And just as she pivots her neck in that direction, her eyes are met with the girl's. A shy 'hi' comes by through her mouth and Asami can tell she feels awkward. She greets Korra with a grin that'll fool them all, when her insides feel like she is being stabbed. And she knows he'll never realize his averted gaze can cause such a sick feeling in her stomach. His eyes don't leave the four-element bender until she leaves.

She sees the look of want in his eyes, the feeling of need, despair, and surely, lust.

She knows because it's the same kind of glint in her own that she doesn't see in his when he's looking at her.

It makes her insides break.

Asami doesn't know how to handle things. She thinks she's a good girlfriend, she believes it with all her might. She has given him everything. He's received respect, praise, comfort, adoration, approval, and love. What more could she supply him with? She's confused—she doesn't understand what she lacks in this relationship. If money is what he wants, she knows she has it. That's a small thought in her mind, usually surrounded by her pinnacle of memories and answers and feelings, but somehow has made its way to the tip of her head and almost out her mouth. She's desperate and the urge to feel loved makes her helpless and feel somewhat bizarre.

But she keeps it in. She always does.

(as much as it pains her)

She carries a smile with her usual polite replies and typical Asami compliments. She remains collected, while her face calm. Her tone is light, unlike her conscience. She could never let them know she's breaking. Never. It's a part of her being, she knows she has to stay strong, and if keeping quiet is what she needs to do, she will. It is the kind of person she is.

And when she tells Mako later that evening that she as an urgent dinner with her father, Asami winces at the first lie she has told her boyfriend. She pushes the key into the ignition of her ride, rotates the handle with a simple twist of her wrist and speeds down the empty dark streets. She waits until she comes back to her large home—back inside, down the corridor, and into her room, when she shuts the door and leans onto the back—sinking to the floor with tears streaming down her powdered face.

The delightful little facts repeat over and over in her head, and she can't stop it.

His eyes are only on the oblivious avatar, and she knows. She'll never be the right girl—the Korra that Mako is undeniably in love with.

Asami sighs, her thoughts a whirl draining her confidence. She has the knowledge to fix this, her own clogged up mess that she bottles up inside with guilt.

(and as much as this sensation burns more than his flames)

She does not have the strength to give up, nor deny the fate that's unfortunately not in her hands.